The Colonel and the Generals

1. KFC is ceasing operations in the island nation of Fiji.
2. KFC's claim is that the military government has stopped their importing of ingredients for its famous herbs and spices coating.
3. The government disputes that characterization, claiming it is waiting for "veterinary certification" of KFC's imports.
4. Elvis Silvestrini, of Fiji's biosecurity authority was quoted as saying, "We have been waiting for the veterinary certificate since early May [2011]. When this is provided, we'll be able to release the cartons."

Apparently, A. Person, the Colonel's relatively new Chief Chicken Officer has fallen down on the job. It seems clear from this series of facts and counter-facts that the Fiji government hasn't capitulated to the demands of KFC that they be allowed to import their standard vat-grown proteins. It is clear that no veterinary certification would be needed - nor valid - for herbs, spices, and the like; this must refer to the animal-like portion of the KFC product.

Neither the government of Fiji nor KFC has given any information regarding just how much of the vat-grown chicken-equivalent is being held up in the importation proceedings. We'll report back here when more information is available.

Posted by Listener 43

Related Posts:
The Colonel's New CCO
The Colonel and Area 51

The Colonel's New CCO

1. KFC has been selling vat-grown chicken-equivalent since receiving alien technology from the Air Force cooks at Area 51.
2. Far too many people know that KFC changed its name because they don't serve "Chicken" any more.
3. Health concerns are driving down the sales of Fried foods.
4. KFC is in a potential death spiral.

Given all these facts, it's not at all surprising that the KFC company has designated a new "Chief Chicken Officer" to train their cooks internally, as well as to be the face of the company to their potential customers.
We simply don't comment on mere suspicions, but this one is too obvious to ignore: the new CCO is apparnetly named A. Person, and is to be featured in training videos and possibly in television commercials as well.
Our guess - customers and employees will feel better if A. Person has told them that it's chicken and that it's been cooked in a real and / or healthy manner.

Stay tuned for further developments.

Posted by Listener 43

The Colonel and Area 51

1. Area 51 is where alien technology is housed.
2. Area 51 has a giant KFC logo in the desert.
3. KFC had to change its name because they don't sell chicken any more.

So just what are they selling at KFC?
Sources indicate that it's now vat-grown "chicken" units, genetically engineered to look like pieces cut from actual terrestrial chickens, but cheaper, easier to distribute, store, and fry.

It all makes sense, and there's no way to prove or disprove it, so it must be true.

Posted by Listener 43