Friday, February 27, 2015

Apple's Surprise Announcement

Oh great, even without Jobs being there to insert his reality distortion field into the announcements of the upcoming announcement to be announced on March 9th the interwebs are going at least gaga, if not worse.

Just so you don't have to wait more than a week to find out just what those secretive geniuses at the infinite loop (Fruit Lops, anyone?) are going to say, here are the actual facts as we now know them.

Those amazing innovators aren't going to announce a new watch (that was Pebble, did you miss it, bub?). They aren't going to announce a car or truck (Tesla and Google are already busy trying to dismantle the recently-rescued rusty three don't you know). They aren't even going to announce a new iPhone, iPad, or a new name for Siri.

No, they seem to be channeling Luther Burbank rather than Irving Cupertino (or whatever his name really was). After a decades-long program of grafting and cloning, Apple scientists have actually succeeded in creating miniature (or bonsai) versions of the original Macintosh apple tree - and they claim these miniature trees (shrubs?) actually bear full-size fruit. The first successful tree-let was named LISA - Living In-Situ Apple-producer. I kid you not - these guys are brilliant (just ask them).

Now you can belly up to the genius bar and have a glass of hard apple cider while you wait for the indentured hipster to replace the shattered glass in your iPhone.

Yes, the mighty have fallen, folks. Apple is reduced to producing apples.

Posted by Gyro Gearloose

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