Facing The Ugly Truth

Just when I think our "elites" can't get any dumber, they delight me with another "Oh, great, I guess it can get worse" moment like this one.
First it was the smarmy Eurocrats telling people what kind of nose jobs they can have without being labeled as mentally ill. Now we have pinhead Texas professor Hamermesh telling us that since ugly people earn less money than the average, we need to make "Ugly" a protected class.
 
The moron helpfully provides research in his book, "Beauty Pays," (please don't buy it, folks, you'll just encourage him. Think of this as a "don't feed the trolls" kind of area.) to show that ugly people earn less money, marry folks who also make less money, have more trouble getting loans (not that making money - being able to repay - would have anything to do with how hard it is to get a loan, right?), and just find it all around harder to get ahead than the non-Ugly folks in these United States.
 
I think the best part of this whole idea is that once you get government certified as "Ugly" no one will ever even think of calling you ugly or treating you badly. I wish I could be a card-carrying Ugly-American - that's the kind that always gets to go to Europe and trash our reputation as educated, polite, progressive, reasonable people, right? Maybe that means the government is going to pay for these Ugly-Americans to travel - with my tax dollars, since as far as I can tell, I'm not ugly enough to qualify.

Does Ugly run in families? If my wife and I are Ugly, will my kids automatically qualify? What if they're only half-Ugly? Does this all work like the other protected classes?

Oh, one of the best parts is that we'll finally have an objective standard for who's Ugly and who's not - no more personal taste involved, and maybe Ugly women will suddenly be in demand for marriage since they'll come with automatic extra benefits from the government and in employment since you wouldn't dare lay off the ugly one or the EEOC would come down on you like a ton of bricks and maybe hit you with the Ugly Stick.

Maybe this all makes some sort of bizarre sense if you're a college professor moron, but since I'm not a moron, I happy to say that I probably wouldn't understand.

Posted by Lewis Cannon

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