Thursday, August 4, 2011

The Colonel and the Generals

  1. KFC is ceasing operations in the island nation of Fiji.
  2. KFC's claim is that the military government has stopped their importing of ingredients for its famous herbs and spices coating.
  3. The government disputes that characterization, claiming it is waiting for "veterinary certification" of KFC's imports.
  4. Elvis Silvestrini, of Fiji's biosecurity authority was quoted as saying, "We have been waiting for the veterinary certificate since early May [2011]. When this is provided, we'll be able to release the cartons."
Apparently, A. Person, the Colonel's relatively new Chief Chicken Officer has fallen down on the job. It seems clear from this series of facts and counter-facts that the Fiji government hasn't capitulated to the demands of KFC that they be allowed to import their standard vat-grown proteins. It is clear that no veterinary certification would be needed - nor valid - for herbs, spices, and the like; this must refer to the animal-like portion of the KFC product.

Neither the government of Fiji nor KFC has given any information regarding just how much of the vat-grown chicken-equivalent is being held up in the importation proceedings. We'll report back here when more information is available.

Posted by Listener 43

Related Posts:
The Colonel's New CCO
The Colonel and Area 51


  1. "When there's more information available"? Come on, 2 seconds on Google should have provided sufficient news articles that explain in enough detail what was held up.

    "Agency CEO Elvis Silvestrini said Colonel Sanders was pulling out "due to rising costs and deteriorating sales".

    He said it was not true that they were preventing the import of herbs and spices.

    "The truth is that BAF has only temporarily withheld two cartons of milk and egg mix because KFC did not have required documentation, which is a veterinary certification, since early May and when this is provided we will be able to release the cartons."

    So that vat grown chicken you seem to think exists? Yeah, that's actually milk and egg batter mix. But hey, a good conspiracy story is much more interesting right?


    Oh also, you completely failed to acknowledge the political situation in Fiji. The Fijian Government was overthrown by their military, and has been controlled by the military since, who have refused to hold democratic elections, missing several promised deadlines to do so, and are subsequently the targets of various travel and import/export sanctions from Australia and New Zealand. Their military routinely does things to remind people that they're the ones in charge, like proving they can overpower a multinational corporation. That looks much more like what is happening here than some one at KFC isn't asleep on the job.

  2. Perhaps you need to re-read this post, my friend. If you'll note the title, the military aspect of the ruling junta was quite obviously included there.
    As to the claims that milk and eggs are the substances creating a biosecurity issue - that seems far from credible, don't you think? Milk and eggs would be readily available, even in Fiji, and would be more likely to be sourced locally for freshness, no?
    It seems to me that KFC is simply getting out before the real source of the biosecurity incident is revealed.
    Just because it seems like a conspiracy theory to you doesn't mean it isn't true.

  3. I broke my monitor the day after I posted this, so I've been unable to get back to see if anyone replied 'till now - good to see you guys are interested in debating your position.

    While it might seem surprising, fresh cow milk is actually quite unreliable in most Pacific islands, Fiji included. The local economy is just not big enough to sustain a reliable, first-world level supply - everything they produce has to be able to be used locally as well, they're not in the market of exporting milk (especially not when New Zealand is comparatively close, and dominates world export in milk). Therefore, it's not much of a stretch to imagine that KFC would want to import their milk-and-egg coating, just like they import their chicken (vat-grown or otherwise...). As to freshness, using pre-dried chicken and egg coating is pretty reasonable - your local butchery quite probably does this already with their coated/crumbed chicken.

    If, as you suspect, the real reason is KFC's inability to prove the legitimate chickeness of their chicken, I don't think that'll ever make the news, as the story only gained any attention due to the business aspect of KFC withdrawing from an entire country.

    As an aside, can I ask if you believe that KFC uses vat-grown chicken-type product all over the world, or if this is just something done in the US? (and Fiji...) Is there anywhere you think they're still using real chickens?

  4. I'm sorry to hear about your monitor, my anonymous friend. I am glad to know that you agree with us that KFC's use of vat-grown chicken protein wouldn't be reported in the standard news services.

    That is precisely why we exist here at this blog - to shine the light of truth into the corners of corporate, governmental, and extra-terrestrial happenings.

    Keep reading, and don't believe everything you read in other places - we hope to be here to give the truth the help it needs.